she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
