Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
