I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
