atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I have fence marks all over my body
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
