Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
