just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
