I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
don't judge my taste in strippers
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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