she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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