I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
