Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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