Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
