Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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