Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
