Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
