using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
