make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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