yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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