It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
