I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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