I could make wine with my vomit
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
