You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
