I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize