he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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