textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
