i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
