If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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