my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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