One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
