ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
