I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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