I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
