Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
