i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
