they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The air was thick with penises
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
