Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
