I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
