I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
