I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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