ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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