I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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