he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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