Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
