I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
