I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
