Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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