we're chasing vodka with high fives
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
