so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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