this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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