Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
