I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
