I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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