I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
