Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
