its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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