How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high