Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
