he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
