Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
