The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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