She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
