I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
