reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We're too hungover to prance.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
